Chasing Chickens

by Lorene Girant

I don’t know how I do it. I’ll be really organized, thumb on everything it ought to be on (and probably a few things it shouldn’t), and one day I look around and I don’t know where to start, or end, or anything. So, I do nothing. And things get worse. I can’t explain it. I don’t see it coming. It just suddenly is there. I think maybe I spread myself too thin, so I drop everything – well, mostly everything. And I think, “Ok, now the rest will fall into place and I will get control again.” HA! Silly woman. Who am I kidding?

Sometimes I will have a conversation with someone and come away feeling empowered and ready to battle it all and win – today! Perfect example: I talked to a girlfriend this morning and when we hung up I felt suddenly powerful and confident that I can get where I need to be in the housework, the career, my relationship with God, etc. But by the time I get home tonight I will have allowed something – I have no idea what – to deflate that bubble into a little mass of loose latex lying on the ground. Oh wait, let’s trample it a little…there, that’s better.

Really, could I sound any more pathetic? What is it that stops me from moving forward on ideas, or getting serious about working out or eating better or being a better wife or, good grief, can I even sit down with God for more than a chapter of the Bible on the bus!? I pray, I get sidetracked. I get back to praying, I get sidetracked. Honestly, my mind wanders more than a stray dog.

Am I alone? Or can even just one of you reading this relate?

I have a solution, of course. My solution is no solution. I try to take it minute by minute. I could say day by day, but honestly, I change from morning to night so why stretch it? Minute by minute is what I can handle, and then not even that real well sometimes. Most times? I just keep praying and believing that God will work it out for me in the end if I let him. Oh, wait. What was that? If I let him? Ok, I guess I’m hearing that basically, when I say, “Here God, you handle it, I can’t”, I’m not truly letting go. How do I know if I’ve really left something at His feet? Well, let’s see. If I’m not worrying about something, if it isn’t weighing on my mind, that’s a pretty good indication that it’s no longer my problem, right? That would mean it’s God’s problem, which would mean I left it at His feet. So every time I start to think about that thing I left at His feet, I need to remind myself, “NOT MY PROBLEM!” Yes, I have work to do on my end, but that will come as naturally as walking if I’ve really given it to God. And if that means I tell myself, “NOT MY PROBLEM” every minute of every day, then I have to do that. Because eventually I will get it – I will get that GOD has it – and I will truly see change in myself.

Easy? Not by any stretch of the imagination! But then, nothing good comes easy. Except for God’s love, grace, forgiveness, etc. It’s not just a matter of saying you’ll accept His gifts. It’s living like you’ve accepted them. It’s walking daily in His love, grace, forgiveness, etc.

I’ll accept your gifts, Lord. Help me to know how and to really do it, not just say it. Help me to walk it out.

 Até logo!

Lorene